It Was Never About Me

Tonight, something I've understood for years suddenly made sense in a completely different way.

“Greater is he that is in you, than he that is in the world.” — 1 John 4:4

I've read that verse. I've believed that verse. But tonight I think I understood it at a deeper level.

So much of life becomes about me without me even realizing it.

Why does this person like me? Why doesn't that person like me? Why are they jealous? Why did they hurt me? Why do people come to me when they're struggling? Why am I so empathetic? Why am I good at certain things? Why am I not better at others?

Me. Me. Me.

And strangely enough, even beating myself up can keep me at the center.

What did I do wrong? Why can't I get this right? Why am I still struggling with this? Why am I not further along?

But what if it was never supposed to be about me?

That doesn't mean diminishing myself. It doesn't mean believing I'm worthless, unintelligent, untalented, or that my personality doesn't matter. God created me with a personality, abilities, experiences, strengths, weaknesses, and a mind that works the way it does.

But I'm the vessel. He is the Source.

If someone experiences love through me, maybe I don't need to take credit for it.

If something about the way I live causes another person to examine their own heart, I don't have to manufacture their conviction.

If someone doesn't understand me, I don't have to make their response the center of my attention either.

And when I fail—and I will—I don't have to make that entirely about me, either.

God already knew I would have bad days. He knew I would get angry. He knew I would sometimes choose wrongly. He knew there would be things He'd have to teach me more than once.

And He loved me anyway.

My good works don't purchase that love. They don't buy salvation. They aren't payment for grace.

They're fruit.

I don't obey God so He will love me. I want to obey Him because He already does—and because I love Him.

Maybe that's part of what it means to go “from glory to glory.”

Something God showed me years ago can suddenly become clearer today. And ten years from now, I may look back at what I understand today and realize there was still so much more depth to discover.

That's growth.

I don't have to have everything figured out today. I don't have to fix everybody else. I don't have to condemn myself every time I stumble. And I don't have to make myself smaller in order to make God bigger.

I can recognize the good things He has placed in me and be grateful for them.

I can keep learning.

I can keep allowing Him to correct me.

I can keep growing.

And I can remember:

I'm the vessel. He is the Source.

Under grace, not perfection.